There are many benefits of orgasm denial and if you’ve read any of my past blogs about the benefits of orgasm control, you are already aware of them. And I have to be completely honest, I debated over the direction of this blog post for a couple of days. Did I want to reiterate the benefits of orgasm denial that I’ve already touched on before? Or did I want to dive deeper than the surface knowing that it may be too intense for those not familiar with me as a Domme or orgasm denial in general?
Matching Energy: A Foundation of My Domination
To know me is to know that my happy place is found deep below the surface. This depth and what that entails varies with each relationship because my relationships with each of my submissives is truly unique. I can have a dozen denial pets and each of them will have different goals, different techniques, and different expectations. I always tell my submissive that they each see a different side of me. Why? Because I match energy. As a Domme, I do not feel empowered by nor do I want to coerce anyone into anything. In my opinion, coercion is antithetical to Domination and BDSM. With that said, I have perfected my own techniques to entice many men to hang on my every word and jump at the chance to submit to me. I’ve managed to do this in a way that stays true to my morals, ethics, and who I am as a person. That is fucking powerful.
The “Why” Behind Your Denial
What does any of that have to do with orgasm denial? A lot actually! Knowing why you want to explore orgasm denial helps me help you. That may sound corny but it is so fucking true. 99% of the time a subbie will tell me that they want to explore orgasm denial because they know that I love to control your cocks and they want to make me happy. And they aren’t entirely wrong. Orgasm control makes me extremely fucking happy. But why does orgasm denial make me happy? Only a handful have ever asked…so I’m going to tell you.
The Pinnacle of Power Exchange
Controlling a mans cock and orgasm is the pinnacle of Domination for many Dommes. Personally, I crave the power exchange involved with BDSM, it is quite literally the reason I practice BDSM. You can read more about this in my blog, What Does It Mean to be Submissive?
Let’s be honest, your dick totally controls your life. Sure, that’s something that we joke about as a society but it is also so fucking true. There’s nothing inherently wrong with this. Your cock brings you immense pleasure so it totally makes sense that you would prioritize its wants and needs. Giving me control of your cock is hot AF because then I am the sole decider on if, when, and how you get to cum. Of course, being the cocktease that I am, I increase the intensity by adding in teasing and edging. Ultimately leaving you dangling like a puppet on my strings. This is such a huge fucking turn on for me! It’s also where the majority of denial pets remain. And that’s ok! I’m going to match your energy, remember? I will never insist that we dive deeper and quite frankly, not everyone should dive deeper.
But…
The Benefits of Orgasm Denial That You Never Knew You Needed
Let’s say that you want to dive deeper and that is something that I am interested in doing with you. What benefits of orgasm denial would you receive that you never knew you needed? There are numerous psychological, sexual and emotional, tantric, and personal growth benefits that come from diving deeper into orgasm denial with me.
The Power Beyond the Climax
Sex is often considered one of the four basic human drive states that are linked to our survival. In many ways, sex influences and even defines who we are. What would happen if we delayed or denied an orgasm and focused on the act of sex itself? There is so much more to sex than the orgasm. The journey towards that orgasm is what makes it so powerful.
A Lesson in Submission: The Story of B
In my blog, Finding the Perfect Mistress, I introduced you to my submissive, B. Trust me when I say that I had so many doubts about B when we first met. He was an egotistical, self-absorbed “submissive” who could not help but to top from the bottom. B wanted orgasm control and he would say all of the right things…I saw right through it. For me, words are meaningless unless they are backed by action. B was all talk and no action. He wanted the benefits of submission without truly submitting. His ego wouldn’t allow it. It took breaking him open before we finally saw some progress in that area.
Pre Demi, B had gone through numerous Mistresses. Each of them absolutely amazing and excellent in their craft. As a new Mistress, I didn’t have the luxury that I have now of deciding who I would and wouldn’t take on. I was still learning about myself and perfecting my Domme skills. In our initial session, we talked about boundaries and expectations. I was very clear to let B know that I’m not ever going to be your “stereotypical” Domme. I’ll never threaten, coerce, or manipulate you into doing what I want. I want you to eagerly submit to me. Also, I’m not your wife…I’m not interested in telling a submissive what they need or want. I’m totally open to helping you figure this out but don’t put that burden on me.
Shifting Focus from Release to Devotion
Orgasm denial is one of the most intimate forms of control. You learn obedience not through coercion but through longing. A man who cannot cum without my permission will do anything to earn it. By denying your release, your desire for me intensifies. You become more attentive and aware of yourself and most importantly, me. Erotic sexual denial shifts the focus from physical release to emotional intimacy. You learn to worship my pleasure and that doesn’t necessarily mean my sexual pleasure.
Like one submissive recently told me when talking about chastity, it takes sex off of the table. He (gasp!) finds fulfillment and satisfaction in spending time with me and connecting with me on an emotional and intellectual level. As a sapioromantic demisexual, hearing that was like opening the floodgates of Niagara Falls. Of course, I didn’t tell him how much of a turn on that was because I wanted to hear more. And he continued to surprise me with his understanding and frustration of just how “dick centric” society is.
Your Wake-Up Call
Don’t believe it? Open up your emails or text messages with someone you are sexually involved with. How many times do you refer to or mention your cock, orgasm, or your sexual pleasure versus theirs. Exactly. Now, I’m not shaming you but take this as your sign that diving deep into orgasm denial with me is absofuckinglutely a must-have in your future.
The Deeper Connection You’ve Been Missing
Orgasm denial creates a deeper, more meaningful connection that is centered around my needs. It reinforces your devotion to me. Orgasm denial reminds you that your pleasure is a privilege granted only by your Goddess. It keeps you mentally and emotionally focused on serving me. Through denial your value shifts from sexual performance to devotion and obedience. Your ego becomes externally anchored, tied entirely to my approval. Prolonged denial triggers dopamine dysregulation and your brain begins associating pleasure not with release but with my presence. This leads to sub-space, that delicious trance-like state of euphoria, vulnerability, and surrender that submissives strive to achieve.
The Intimacy of Control and Surrender
Once a submissive is ready to let go of his ego and allow himself to trust me and to become vulnerable with me, the real fun can begin. Look I get it, vulnerability is fucking hard but it’s also fucking necessary. There’s psychological power in orgasm control. Through this process, you learn to lean on your Domme’s guidance and support. Though not in an emotionally, mentally, or physically draining way. Every denied climax is an act of surrender, it’s a moment when your body aches for my permission but obeys my silence. Your inability to cum without my permission proves my control over your orgasm and reinforces my role as the sole gatekeeper to your sexual pleasure. This cultivates “divine ego inflation”, where I am not just desired, I am deified. Your worship becomes internalized versus performative.
Are You Ready to Begin Your Orgasm Denial Journey with Me?
Feeling inspired? Aching to explore this level of control?
Join me for FemDom Friday where we will dive deep into the power of surrender and the benefits of orgasm denial.
But first, I want to hear from you! What is the single biggest hurdle you face when trying to truly surrender control? Is it your ego? Fear? Something else? Submit your answer in the comments below. The most insightful submission might just earn a special acknowledgement during FemDom Friday!
Listen to The Benefits of Orgasm Denial That You Never Knew You Needed
Keeping you entranced and craving more until next time,
Your Sensual Cocktease Goddess Demi
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It’s absolutely true. Letting my Mistress control me, allowing her to decide my pleasure, my sexual pleasure, is a form of the deepest connection and exchange of energy. It really takes 100% immersion in this game and it’s incredibly beautiful from both sides.
Your blog post is very deep and beautiful, like all of them.
Thank you dear Mistress Demi!
It IS such a deep connection and beautiful exchange of energy. It also does take 100% immersion but it is soooo fucking worth it!
I’m so happy that you have experienced this, Casandra!
Thank you so much for making this possible. It was something incredibly amazing! You are truly an artist dear Ms Demi!
Casandra you are such a sweetheart. Thank you. It blows my mind that it was exactly one year ago that you and I began your denial journey! I am still blown away by the progress that you made.
Ms. Demi,
I can’t deny your blog,
and damn fine job on The Hot Seat! 🔥
Thank you so much, Mot! And thank you for sending in your questions, so naughty! 😈
I hope any potential subbie men reading this ACTUALLY pay attention to their wake up call contained in the blog, and wake up to a wonderful world where they truly surrender to and worship their Goddess, and they finally enjoy the benefits from an FLR.
I love this, Ivy. It really is such an amazing experience to surrender and worship your Goddess. Your comment reminds me of the blog I started working on this time last year about the benefits of a female-led relationship. I should start working on that again because there are SO many benefits to an FLR!
I love this Goddess Demi! I think that developing trust is the key, trust on both sides. For me, knowing that I can put myself completely in your hands and trust that you will treat my submission as something of value and respect my boundaries, allows me to let go and share my vulnerabilities. One fear that I had to overcome along the way is the fear of the unknown, not the unknown in the sense of what you had in mind during sessions, but the unknown in terms of the future of our relationship. My submission to you feels very emotional, even spiritual and I had to learn to stop worrying about what may or may not happen and realize that life is constantly changing and that I just need to live in the present moment and enjoy the journey! I knew this intellectually but it took me a while to realize it emotionally and I thank you for your guidance. I love that you are always helping me grow as a person and as a submissive. I feel very blessed to serve you!
This part!! Yes, you already knew this but what we think and how we feel don’t always align. I’m so happy that I was able to help you with this. And I’m even more happy that this was something we were able to acknowledge and then work through together. It is all part of our journey!
Goddess Demi, thank You for sharing such a thoughtful and eye-opening post. Your clarity, confidence, and insight always hit on a different level. The way You express Your dominance and presence is honestly inspiring and I’m grateful for every lesson You choose to share. I’m proud to follow Your guidance and always appreciate the space You create for growth and self-discipline.
Thank you, simp. I’m all about creating a space for growth and self-discipline. I might not always have all of the answers but that’s when we get to learn and grow together!
I’m super curious, what lesson(s) did you learn with this post?
I’ve definitely figured out that getting on your bad side is the last thing I ever want to do. 😅
And I learned firsthand that orgasm denial hits way deeper than I expected. it’s all in the mind and the feels. I seriously picked the perfect Mistress to take over YOUR cock and decide when I get to come, if You ever let me. That decision is only Yours, Goddess.
You keep leveling me up and making me want to be the best simp I can be for You. I didn’t even know what “sapioromantic demisexual” was until I met You, but after talking with You, reading Your posts, and seeing your Femdom Friday energy… yeah, it makes total sense.
I can’t imagine a better person to give myself to. You’re everything I thought I needed and then some.
Fuck yes!! This right here, simp. It IS all in the mind and the “feels”. It’s an amazing mental challenge and at the same time, it brings out so many emotions. I think the emotional aspect is the most surprising of them all. It’s super important to acknowledge those emotions as they come up and work through them. And it’s totally ok and personally encouraged to lean on your Domme for support through this. But at the very least, make them aware of what you are experiencing in case any changes need to be made to your training.
I really loved reading this,
How are you leveling up? What are you doing or plan to do to be the best simp for me? Remember, I want actions not just words. You can DM me your response.
I’m cool sharing this publicly. It will keep me in check. Not to sound weird, but I was kinda lurking on your blog for like a year before I ever reached out. I wasn’t really a submissive guy in real life. It was just a fantasy. But You make it real. And yeah I actually really want to submit to You.
Crazy to say, but I’m honestly proud of that. Like Demi Owns Me said, it almost feels spiritual.
You accepting me has given me the confidence to wear my cochlear implants again. I’m still not ready for voice sessions but when I am I want You to be the first person I talk to.
I will be a better simp for You by performing my acts of service for You consistently.
Showing up to femdom Friday when you are there.
I will create a simp list of tasks for myself to better serve you my Goddess.
A simp list!!!! I fucking love that!! I’m looking forward to seeing what you have on that list.
Fuck yeah for having the confidence to wear your cochlear implants again. I love that and my opinion is the only one that matters, so…😜
I’m looking forward to seeing you at FemDom Friday but you should be there every Friday, regardless if I’m there or not.
There really is a deep well of contentment available for people who can learn to let go of the ego around their orgasm and dick. Submission can bring a greater depth to the intimacy between partners, and it’s a shame that our society and culture places so much pressure on men to be dominant all the time. There’s nothing wrong with being vulnerable, and submitting to the will of your wife, girlfriend, or Mistress, and if only more men understood that we’d have a much happier world.
🗣️🗣️🗣️FUCK YES!!!!!!!!! Every single word of this.
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with being vulnerable and submitting. It takes a mentally strong and secure person to do this and I have SO MUCH FUCKING respect for anyone who chooses to let themselves be vulnerable and submit.
I don’t know about you, Ms Demi, but on my side of the equation I really love the feeling of being trusted. The fellas who submit, in order to do so, they have to trust me to take care of them. That’s so hot. I love it.
Yes!!! IMO, submission requires vulnerability and vulnerability requires trust.
Goddess Demi,
I love this blog post of yours because it explains so perfectly why and how I myself have fallen under your spell and am totally devoted to you. When you talk about your own techniques “to entice many men to hang on my every word and jump at the chance to submit to me,” that really spoke to me. I myself am so focused on submitting to you and being an obedient subservent pet who adores you so much.
Also, when you talk about “orgasm denial”, it certainly reinforces my devotion to you. Orgasm denial by Goddess Demi reminds me that my pleasure is a privilege granted only by my Goddess. It definitely keeps me mentally and emotionally focused on serving you. I now realize that through orgasm denial my value shifts “from sexual performance to devotion and obedience.”
Goddess Demi, I know that I have been delinquent in not calling you for awhile but please forgive me for my transgressions. I totally adore you and I always want to submit and show you how much I want to be your obedient and submissive pet.
I will call you soon and I will ask for your forgiveness for being such a bad sissy.
Please forgive me, Goddess Demi.
your devoted, obedient and submissive sissy slut,
Cindy Lollicock XOXOXOXOXOX
I’m so happy you enjoyed it Cindy Lollicock.
Fucking love this. That is exactly what I want.
Now, prove it. I want deliberate, well thought out actions not lip service. Then I will be open to a conversation about your transgressions and the possibility of forgiveness.
Mistress Harper your words hit me hard, in a way I clearly needed. I’ve always struggled with being open but I’m starting to understand how powerful it is to let go and surrender to my Goddess. Ever since She put me back into this stretch of denial I’ve been way more in tune with my feelings. I never thought I’d actually enjoy being vulnerable but now I’m wanting the chance to explore that side of myself even deeper for Her.
What you said about society putting pressure on men to be dominant all the time is spot on. I am looking forward to serving you in honor of my Goddess soon.
Oh my, Simp, it sounds like you’re ready to be deeply vulnerable and fully surrender. I’d love to help you deepen your submission to your Mistress, Demi.