There are many benefits of orgasm denial and if you’ve read any of my past blogs about the benefits of orgasm control, you are already aware of them. And I have to be completely honest, I debated over the direction of this blog post for a couple of days. Did I want to reiterate the benefits of orgasm denial that I’ve already touched on before? Or did I want to dive deeper than the surface knowing that it may be too intense for those not familiar with me as a Domme or orgasm denial in general?
Matching Energy: A Foundation of My Domination
To know me is to know that my happy place is found deep below the surface. This depth and what that entails varies with each relationship because my relationships with each of my submissives is truly unique. I can have a dozen denial pets and each of them will have different goals, different techniques, and different expectations. I always tell my submissive that they each see a different side of me. Why? Because I match energy. As a Domme, I do not feel empowered by nor do I want to coerce anyone into anything. In my opinion, coercion is antithetical to Domination and BDSM. With that said, I have perfected my own techniques to entice many men to hang on my every word and jump at the chance to submit to me. I’ve managed to do this in a way that stays true to my morals, ethics, and who I am as a person. That is fucking powerful.
The “Why” Behind Your Denial
What does any of that have to do with orgasm denial? A lot actually! Knowing why you want to explore orgasm denial helps me help you. That may sound corny but it is so fucking true. 99% of the time a subbie will tell me that they want to explore orgasm denial because they know that I love to control your cocks and they want to make me happy. And they aren’t entirely wrong. Orgasm control makes me extremely fucking happy. But why does orgasm denial make me happy? Only a handful have ever asked…so I’m going to tell you.
The Pinnacle of Power Exchange
Controlling a mans cock and orgasm is the pinnacle of Domination for many Dommes. Personally, I crave the power exchange involved with BDSM, it is quite literally the reason I practice BDSM. You can read more about this in my blog, What Does It Mean to be Submissive?
Let’s be honest, your dick totally controls your life. Sure, that’s something that we joke about as a society but it is also so fucking true. There’s nothing inherently wrong with this. Your cock brings you immense pleasure so it totally makes sense that you would prioritize its wants and needs. Giving me control of your cock is hot AF because then I am the sole decider on if, when, and how you get to cum. Of course, being the cocktease that I am, I increase the intensity by adding in teasing and edging. Ultimately leaving you dangling like a puppet on my strings. This is such a huge fucking turn on for me! It’s also where the majority of denial pets remain. And that’s ok! I’m going to match your energy, remember? I will never insist that we dive deeper and quite frankly, not everyone should dive deeper.
But…
The Benefits of Orgasm Denial That You Never Knew You Needed
Let’s say that you want to dive deeper and that is something that I am interested in doing with you. What benefits of orgasm denial would you receive that you never knew you needed? There are numerous psychological, sexual and emotional, tantric, and personal growth benefits that come from diving deeper into orgasm denial with me.
The Power Beyond the Climax
Sex is often considered one of the four basic human drive states that are linked to our survival. In many ways, sex influences and even defines who we are. What would happen if we delayed or denied an orgasm and focused on the act of sex itself? There is so much more to sex than the orgasm. The journey towards that orgasm is what makes it so powerful.
A Lesson in Submission: The Story of B
In my blog, Finding the Perfect Mistress, I introduced you to my submissive, B. Trust me when I say that I had so many doubts about B when we first met. He was an egotistical, self-absorbed “submissive” who could not help but to top from the bottom. B wanted orgasm control and he would say all of the right things…I saw right through it. For me, words are meaningless unless they are backed by action. B was all talk and no action. He wanted the benefits of submission without truly submitting. His ego wouldn’t allow it. It took breaking him open before we finally saw some progress in that area.
Pre Demi, B had gone through numerous Mistresses. Each of them absolutely amazing and excellent in their craft. As a new Mistress, I didn’t have the luxury that I have now of deciding who I would and wouldn’t take on. I was still learning about myself and perfecting my Domme skills. In our initial session, we talked about boundaries and expectations. I was very clear to let B know that I’m not ever going to be your “stereotypical” Domme. I’ll never threaten, coerce, or manipulate you into doing what I want. I want you to eagerly submit to me. Also, I’m not your wife…I’m not interested in telling a submissive what they need or want. I’m totally open to helping you figure this out but don’t put that burden on me.
Shifting Focus from Release to Devotion
Orgasm denial is one of the most intimate forms of control. You learn obedience not through coercion but through longing. A man who cannot cum without my permission will do anything to earn it. By denying your release, your desire for me intensifies. You become more attentive and aware of yourself and most importantly, me. Erotic sexual denial shifts the focus from physical release to emotional intimacy. You learn to worship my pleasure and that doesn’t necessarily mean my sexual pleasure.
Like one submissive recently told me when talking about chastity, it takes sex off of the table. He (gasp!) finds fulfillment and satisfaction in spending time with me and connecting with me on an emotional and intellectual level. As a sapioromantic demisexual, hearing that was like opening the floodgates of Niagara Falls. Of course, I didn’t tell him how much of a turn on that was because I wanted to hear more. And he continued to surprise me with his understanding and frustration of just how “dick centric” society is.
Your Wake-Up Call
Don’t believe it? Open up your emails or text messages with someone you are sexually involved with. How many times do you refer to or mention your cock, orgasm, or your sexual pleasure versus theirs. Exactly. Now, I’m not shaming you but take this as your sign that diving deep into orgasm denial with me is absofuckinglutely a must-have in your future.
The Deeper Connection You’ve Been Missing
Orgasm denial creates a deeper, more meaningful connection that is centered around my needs. It reinforces your devotion to me. Orgasm denial reminds you that your pleasure is a privilege granted only by your Goddess. It keeps you mentally and emotionally focused on serving me. Through denial your value shifts from sexual performance to devotion and obedience. Your ego becomes externally anchored, tied entirely to my approval. Prolonged denial triggers dopamine dysregulation and your brain begins associating pleasure not with release but with my presence. This leads to sub-space, that delicious trance-like state of euphoria, vulnerability, and surrender that submissives strive to achieve.
The Intimacy of Control and Surrender
Once a submissive is ready to let go of his ego and allow himself to trust me and to become vulnerable with me, the real fun can begin. Look I get it, vulnerability is fucking hard but it’s also fucking necessary. There’s psychological power in orgasm control. Through this process, you learn to lean on your Domme’s guidance and support. Though not in an emotionally, mentally, or physically draining way. Every denied climax is an act of surrender, it’s a moment when your body aches for my permission but obeys my silence. Your inability to cum without my permission proves my control over your orgasm and reinforces my role as the sole gatekeeper to your sexual pleasure. This cultivates “divine ego inflation”, where I am not just desired, I am deified. Your worship becomes internalized versus performative.
Are You Ready to Begin Your Orgasm Denial Journey with Me?
Feeling inspired? Aching to explore this level of control?
Join me for FemDom Friday where we will dive deep into the power of surrender and the benefits of orgasm denial.
But first, I want to hear from you! What is the single biggest hurdle you face when trying to truly surrender control? Is it your ego? Fear? Something else? Submit your answer in the comments below. The most insightful submission might just earn a special acknowledgement during FemDom Friday!
Listen to The Benefits of Orgasm Denial That You Never Knew You Needed
Keeping you entranced and craving more until next time,
Your Sensual Cocktease Goddess Demi
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It’s absolutely true. Letting my Mistress control me, allowing her to decide my pleasure, my sexual pleasure, is a form of the deepest connection and exchange of energy. It really takes 100% immersion in this game and it’s incredibly beautiful from both sides.
Your blog post is very deep and beautiful, like all of them.
Thank you dear Mistress Demi!
Ms. Demi,
I can’t deny your blog,
and damn fine job on The Hot Seat! 🔥