Welcome, my curious subbies, to my sensual, erotic empire. Where the dynamics of power and surrender intertwine in a delicious dance. I am often asked, “what does it mean to be submissive?” It is a great question but one that cannot be fully answered without crucial context. Each one of us have different needs and desires. Every relationship that we enter is unique and special in its own way.

Today, we’re diving into the essence of what it truly means to be submissive (to me) and how the act of relinquishing control can be the most empowering experience of all. From there, I hope you are able to gain insight into what being submissive truly means to you.

The idea for this blog came after many recent questions from curious submissives searching for a Domme and after conversations with several Domme’s that I admire and trust. Similar to my previous blog, The Perfect Mistress, this blog is written with the help of my longtime submissive, B.

The Core of Submission

Submission isn’t merely about obeying orders or bending to another’s will. It’s a profound journey into the depths of one’s own desires. Learning to trust, to yield, and to find freedom in the embrace of another’s dominance. It’s about carefully selecting a Domme, like myself, and placing her desires above your own. Not out of coercion but out of a genuine yearning to please and to be guided by a firm, yet loving hand.

Submission revolves around consent. Within the world of BDSM, consent is not only a requirement but a core focus. From a psychological perspective, consent is what separates sexual sadism from coercive sexual sadism disorder in the DSM-5. From a personal perspective, consent is what separates decent humans from the people who should be locked up (and not because they are into bondage or chastity). I totally understand that this may sound harsh but consent is imperative if you are genuinely serious about engaging in BDSM play in any form.

Finding the Perfect Mistress for YOU is Crucial

Before allowing yourself to indulge in submissive play, you need to find the right Domme. This is a time consuming and arduous task but absolutely crucial. I like to think of BDSM play as a form of therapy (it is NOT a substitute for mental health therapy). When you are searching for the right Domme use the same care and attention that you would for choosing the right therapist. Your Mistress will know all of your secrets, ensure that you find someone that you can be vulnerable with.

Many people will say that they are Dominant and they very well may be. But are they Dominant in the context of a healthy BDSM relationship? Or are they basing that off of the stereotype that society has imprinted on us? Does their level and style of Dominance match your wants and needs?

*By the way, that stereotype is extremely frustrating to me. It’s totally fine if you are only interested in engaging in BDSM cosplay but it is so fucking off base if you are genuinely interested in BDSM play or lifestyle. Just like there is no right or wrong way to be Dominant. There is no right or wrong way to be submissive. So, take every single preconceived idea that society has defined for us out of your head right now. We are defining these roles for ourselves. 

What to look for:

What are their credentials and qualifications?

Yes, this is absofuckinglutely a “thing” in the BDSM community. I always say that I “practice” or “train” in BDSM because like humans, sexuality is fluid. Sexual fluidity can include changes in sexual behavior, romantic attraction, or aesthetic attraction. However, for the most part, the foundations of BDSM remain the same and every reputable Domme will adhere to them.

What are their areas of expertise?

I promise you that you do not want to engage in rope play with someone that has never rigged before. The results could be catastrophic and deadly. Personally, I love Shibari but will never consider myself an expert. I am always learning and growing my knowledge on certain topics. And, I will never claim to have experience in an area that I am not completely confident that I have mastered.

What are their approaches and techniques?

This requires you to know whether you want an aggressive Mistress or a sensual Mistress. There is no right or wrong here. Personally, I have no interest into coercing you to submit to me. If you are looking for someone who will coerce you into serving her, chase after you, or beg you to submit…I’m not your Domme. I absofuckinglutely love a submissive who is ready, willing, and eager to serve. Even if you don’t exactly know what you want to explore or how you want to serve. We will work through those important details together.

What is your compatibility and personal connection like?

Once you’ve found a Domme that has the proper knowledge and training in the areas that you are looking to explore, you want to make sure you vibe well. Can you open up to them? Remember, you are searching for someone that you can completely and utterly with every ounce of your being trust and confide in. You are giving them the most vulnerable parts of yourself; not only physically but emotionally and mentally as well.

Letting Go

Because you have found an ethical Mistress, she will have taken all of your wants, needs, and boundaries into consideration. She has already cultivated a plan for you. Therefore, her commands are not merely commands made on a whim. However miniscule or irrelevant her demands may seem at the time, they play a much larger role that you may or may not realize down the line.

The first step in true submission is letting go of your own desires. This isn’t to say that your needs are irrelevant; rather, they become secondary to the pleasure and will of your FemDom Mistress. It’s a conscious decision to prioritize her satisfaction. To find joy in her joy and to measure your success by her fulfillment.

To let go, you must:

• Trust in your Mistress’ vision for your shared experiences.
• Embrace vulnerability as a strength, not a weakness.
• Communicate openly and honestly, ensuring that your limits are respected as you explore new boundaries.
• Accept that your pleasure is intrinsically linked to your Mistress’s contentment.

The Submissive’s Path

As a submissive in my world, you are not merely a conquest to add to my harem. You are a vital participant in a symphony of sensuality and control.

Your role is to:

• Anticipate my needs and desires, always staying one step ahead, yet never overstepping.
• Dedicate yourself to the tasks I set before you, no matter how menial or challenging they may seem.
• Find beauty in the rituals we create together.Whether it’s the way you address me, the precision with which you prepare my toys, or the reverence in your service.
• Accept praise graciously and correction with humility, knowing that both are given in the spirit of growth and mutual satisfaction.

The Rewards of Submission

In return for your devotion, you will experience a level of connection and intimacy that is both rare and precious. You will be cherished, guided, and above all, you will be free from the burdens of decision and doubt. Your surrender will be met with my protection and adoration, a true Mistress values the gift of submission and nurtures it with care.

Many of my submissives come to me seeking a change from their daily lives. B is a secret submissive. He has an intense job that requires him to be “on the job” even when he is away from his office. At work and in his personal life, he takes on a Dominant role. Throughout the day he is required to make decisions that affect the lives of millions of people that he doesn’t even know. People that have no idea that he exists and that his days are spent ensuring they are protected. Personally, I cannot imagine the amount of stress that he endures on a daily basis but I absolutely respect it.

But let’s be honest, it doesn’t matter how much you love your job, we all deserve time to escape from the stress, challenges, and even the monotony of day to day life. There is something beautifully freeing in handing over your mind and body to someone who appreciates the power that they now hold in their hands.

The Benefits of Fully Submitting to a Mistress

By committing and submitting to a Mistress, you will:

• Enjoy a deeper sense of security and stability, knowing that your Mistress has your best interests at heart.
• Experience a more intense and personalized connection, as your Mistress learns to understand and cater to your unique needs and desires.
• Benefit from a more focused and refined training, tailored to your specific strengths and weaknesses.
• Develop a stronger sense of trust and loyalty, forged through the trials and triumphs you share with your Mistress.
• Reap the rewards of a more consistent and predictable dynamic, as your Mistress guides you through the ebbs and flows of your shared journey.

Surrendering to Me, Goddess Demi

As your Goddess, I demand nothing less than your absolute submission. I expect you to:

• Worship me with every fiber of your being, offering yourself as a testament to your commitment.
• Obey my commands without hesitation, knowing that each directive is designed to enhance our dynamic and bring us closer.
• Strive for excellence in all things, whether it’s the way you present yourself or the intensity of your devotion.

In turn, I will lead you on a journey of self-discovery and sexual awakening that you could never achieve on your own. Together, we will explore the limits of pleasure and pain and of dominance and submission. And in doing so, we will forge a bond that is as indestructible as it is intoxicating. Need more coaxing? Read my blog, 7 Reasons Why You Need To Serve A Sensual, Sexy Goddess.

What Does It Mean to Be Submissive?

True submission is not a sign of weakness; it is a badge of honor. It is the courage to relinquish control, the strength to put another’s desires above your own, and the wisdom to recognize the beauty in such an exchange. As your Mistress, I will guide you along this path, ensuring that your submission is both rewarded and revered.

Now, my dear subs, reflect on what you’ve read and ask yourself if you are ready to take this leap of faith with me. Are you prepared to cast aside your own desires and embrace a world where I reign supreme? If your heart beats with a resounding ‘yes,’ then step forward into my awaiting arms, and let us begin this exquisite journey together.

Want to learn even more? Check out The Submission Collection from Kink Academy.

Listen to me chat about this blog on The Weekly Hot Spot with Mistresses Olivia and Erika.

Keeping you entranced and craving more until next time,

Your Sensual Cocktease Goddess Demi

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