I am writing this blog with some input from my first true submissive, who I will refer to as, B. Today we are celebrating 7 years since B first knelt at my feet and fully gave himself to me. And WOW!! Do I have some stories that I could share about our time together over the years!! If you have found the perfect Mistress, some of what I share may remind you of your own experiences. If you are still searching for the perfect Mistress, I hope this blog gives you some insight to help you along your quest.

Finding the Perfect Mistress: A Sensual Odyssey

In the realm of BDSM and female-led relationships, the role of a mistress transcends mere physical attraction. She is the embodiment of power, the orchestrator of your deepest fantasies, and the keeper of your ultimate submission. Here’s how to find a mistress who will dominate your world and elevate your experiences to divine heights.

The Interview Process

Think of meeting a potential Mistress as an interview. It’s an opportunity for both parties to assess compatibility. Be honest about your expectations, experience level, and availability. A true Mistress will appreciate your transparency and will be forthcoming about her own expectations.

I was a newbie Domme at the time and he had been engaging in BDSM longer than I had been alive. Initially, B was unaware of our age difference and it did provide some hesitation once he found out. It wasn’t until our first session that he was put at ease. In that first session, which was not a play session, I explain my boundaries and expectations in great detail. A couple hours after our session, I receive a call from B. He proceeds to tell me that he has been searching for the perfect Mistress for years and he feels like he finally found me. B says that it wasn’t until this session that he began to realize that our relationship will be unlike any others he has previously engaged in.

Know Your Desires

Before you set out to find your perfect mistress, you must understand your own needs and fantasies. Are you seeking a strict disciplinarian, a teasing cocktease, or a nurturing goddess? Only you can answer these questions. Reflect on your deepest desires and the dynamics you crave in a BDSM relationship. When you start searching for a Mistress, know what you’re looking for. I am a sensual Mistress and while I can be strict, I won’t yell. I will discipline as needed but I am not your parent. There is no quicker way to make my pussy dry and for me to become completely uninterested in you than to have to reprimand you for disobedience. That isn’t sexy to me. If that is sexy to you, you should totally seek out a Mistress who enjoys that. 

Explore the Community

The BDSM community is vast and diverse, with many avenues to explore. Dive into online forums, attend local meetups, and participate in kink events to meet like-minded individuals and potential mistresses. Engage in conversations and observe the interactions to find someone who resonates with your inner submissive.

This wasn’t B’s first search for the perfect Mistress. Having been active in the community for so long, he was aware of his likes and dislikes. B had already answered the question, ‘what does it mean to be submissive?’, for himself. This isn’t always the case, actually it almost never is the case, and that is totally ok! You do not need to have all of the answers but you do need to be aware of what you do and don’t want.

Exclusivity and Devotion

In a female-led relationship with me, exclusivity and devotion are paramount. I believe that you should ensure that your Mistress comes before all other women in your life, as she deserves nothing less than your complete and undivided attention.

Very recently I was asked if it is possible to fully submit to more than one Mistress. My answer was surprising to them given my views on monogamy. I personally feel it is selfish of me to expect one person to completely fulfill all of the needs that I seek within a romantic relationship. So, it would be safe to assume that I would feel the same in the context of a D/s relationship. I do not. Personally, I feel it is counterproductive to what you ultimately want to achieve. Each Mistress will have their own strengths and weaknesses, their own visions for your relationship, and their own plans for your submission. If your goal is to fully relinquish control, can you do that with more than one person?

This isn’t to say that Mistresses cannot work together in your best interest to achieve a common goal for you. I love working with the other Mistresses here at LDW and the other Dommes that I have the pleasure of dominating with IRL. It gives all of us a chance to try something new and that is always exciting!

Communicate Your Needs

If you are deciding between two or more Mistresses, you need to decide which Mistress and their plan of action resonates with you the most and stick with it. It may work, it may not. You’ll never know if you are continually switching from one to another. Communicating your needs and desires with your current Mistress is the best route to go. Maybe she misunderstood your wants or desires? Maybe everything is perfect but there is one thing you need that just so happens to be a weakness of hers? Having this conversation will allow her to find a solution, like perhaps inviting another Mistress that she knows and trusts, to session with you.

When B first came to me, he had been serving his current Mistress for a little over a year. She was away for a few months and had given him permission to play during that time. As a good submissive should, he was transparent about this. I quickly informed him that I do not share subbies and that I had absolutely zero interest in playing with another Mistress’ toy. I would be perfectly happy having some fun as a second Mistress but as far as I was concerned, she was his Mistress. I will always choose another Domme over a submissive, every single time.

Prove Your Worth

A Goddess demands proof of your worthiness. Demonstrate your dedication through acts of devotion and obedience. Show her that you are willing to put in the effort to be a part of her world.

Like a good sub, B spoke privately with his Mistress. In turn, she and I had a great conversation where I learned that they had come to a point in their relationship where things were at a standstill. While they both cherished each other and the relationship, both had grown their separate ways. She gave me much needed background information and asked me to give him a chance. I’ll be honest, I was weary. B craves being owned. And he had spent decades bouncing from one Mistress to the next. He was searching for a Domme who was aggressive in her ownership. Someone who would immediately make grand public statements and demands of him to prove ownership.

That isn’t me. I could scream from the rooftops that I own you, but I would much rather show you. You could proclaim that you are owned by me to anyone who will listen, I don’t care. Show me. Prove to me that you are my subbie pet.

Respect and Consent

The foundation of any BDSM relationship is built on respect and consent. When you find a mistress who piques your interest, approach her with respect, and always ensure that your boundaries and hers are clearly communicated and consensual.

Just like you need to vet potential Mistresses, I need to vet potential submissives. For me, this takes time, time that many do not have the patience for. And that is totally fine, for you! A good mistress knows her limits and will not hesitate to set boundaries. Respect them, and don’t push her too far. I will only lay out my boundaries twice. First, when we meet and before we play. Second, if you break, blur, cross, or even entertain the idea of pushing my boundaries. After that, you will never have the opportunity of speaking to me again. Harsh? No. I would never disrespect you in this way, why would I ever allow you to disrespect me?

B was searching for a Mistress to vigorously take ownership of him. For this FemDom Mistress, I find great fulfillment in knowing that I own you versus the need to elaborately and publicly claim ownership. I was upfront and clear with him about this from the very beginning. For me, one is an act, a feeling, a substantive action. The latter is a high that feels amazing but is only temporary if not backed by continual action to reaffirm ownership. When I own you, you will know that you are mine. The revelation will be euphoric and beyond the scope that any hollow grand gesture could ever dream to fill.

Intelligent Connection

As a sapioromantic demisexual, I understand the importance of intellectual stimulation. Seek a Mistress with whom you can engage in stimulating conversations. The mental connection will enhance the physical bond, creating a multifaceted relationship that transcends the ordinary.

This was the revelation that B experienced 7 years ago. After months of getting to know each other, very intense and passionate play sessions, and me metaphorically cracking the whip (pain play is a boundary for him) to mold him into my idea of the perfect submissive; it all came to a head for us. B had been traveling a lot for work but was in town and had a long weekend that we dedicated exclusively to us. Our playtime during the first two days was as amazing as usual, but could feel that B was “off”.

Over the previous months, we had talked in great detail about our lives. We had spoken about some extremely heavy topics and I felt that I was aware of most of the things that he had going on. But there was one thing that B had never shared with anyone else and on that third day together, he shared it with me. I listened as B began peeling back layers upon layers that he had hidden from every soul he ever knew.

There is Freedom in Vulnerability

B had been extremely vulnerable with me up to that point but I always felt that there was *something* he was holding back. For me, this inhibited me from fully trusting him. It wasn’t that I felt he was untrustworthy but knowing that he was holding something back kept a barrier up for me. That barrier melted away almost instantly the moment he finally unloaded what he had been holding back all this time.

Even throughout all of the vulnerability that I had witnessed from B previously, this was different. This changed the dynamics of our relationship in a very profound and powerful way. It unlocked uncharted territory for the both of us. Until then, I had never experienced a submissive open themselves up in such a way. B had never felt safe and at ease with anyone enough to fully unleash himself.

We were both silent, B sitting on the couch and I in a chair across the room, staring at each other. Neither of us were speaking but there was SO much being said during that time. Words wouldn’t have been enough to fill that silence.

The Perfect Match – Finding the perfect Mistress for YOU

When you find a mistress who aligns with your desires, respects your limits, and inspires your devotion, you’ll know you’ve found the one. Cherish the journey you’ve embarked on together, and revel in the growth and pleasure that comes from serving a true Goddess.

Finally, B says, “when words fail, music speaks.” A quote from author, Hans Christian Andersen, that I had forgotten I’d repeated nonchalantly during the first conversation that B and I shared together. B grabs his phone and begins to play a song from one of his favorite bands, Fleetwood Mac. And in true B fashion, he walks over to me, takes my hand and asks me to dance with him.

He sings every word to the song in my ear and when the song ends, he replays it again. I can hear him choking back the urge to cry as he sings to me. When the song ends, B falls to his knees. The tears are now flowing from his eyes but he isn’t sad. He’s enlightened, relieved, and happy.

“You are the perfect Mistress for me. If you will have me, I am yours.” B continues by explaining at length and in great detail how he came to this realization. How after decades of searching for the right Mistress for himself, he has finally found me. But not only that, B has found the meaning of true submission and what it means to be submissive; truly submissive to the perfect Mistress.

What Do Submissives Look For in the Perfect Mistress?

So, what do submissives look for in a Mistress? From my experience, it’s quite simple: they want someone who can make them feel seen, heard, and desired. They crave a Mistress who can take control, safely push them to their limits, and make them feel like they’re walking on air.

But, let’s not forget, some submissives also want a Mistress who can make them feel like dirt. A Mistress who can humiliate them and make them beg for mercy. It’s a delicate balance, really.

What qualities are you hoping to find in the perfect Mistress?

Keeping you entranced and craving more until next time,

Your Sensual Cocktease Goddess Demi

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